A recent news report in The Times of India tells about how the Britons are undergoing special courses on Indian culture and mannerisms before embarking on their special India visits to clinch that ever important business deal for their employers. And how all this started, well, is even more hilarious.

A special executive of a British firm addressing his Indian counterpart with his first name, hands on hips. A rather normal way of life in Britain, but sorry, this is India. Whatever they did all their time that they spent during the pre-independence era in the country, this is surely not something that they would have thought of, in the wildest of their dreams. Having moulded and manipulated India, both geographically and socially to their heart’s content and yet, to come back fifty odd years later only to find that they need to adapt all over again to a new India, one where, people like the Russians, Americans and even the Africans already have a head start. All the same, Britons are Britons, same old enduring breed of diplomats and manipulators, so trust them to have a foothold sooner than later. Here are some of the things that the special cultural makeup classes intend to inculcate in the new age Britons, intending to visit India in search of greener pastures.

Address anyone you know or don’t with the surname, an appropriate title attached. Be as formal as you can be, be it your dressing, speaking, walking, or yes... sleeping. Don’t, just don’t offer your hand for a handshake to a lady, and if by any chance you did forget this one, DON’T forget this one... Do Not Kiss a Lady as a mark of respect or whatever!
But the most bizarre of facts that they teach them about us is the one that gets mentioned in the end. Indians are not ones to follow or admire punctuality, so when its meeting time better be flexible with your timings and if not, have a world of patience.

Ahh! So much for being in a foreign land.