Its a really precarious situation to be in, but I really am a bit... err more than that confused. And the confusion stems from the fact that I am even more confused with regards to the root of the confusion. Is it the fact that more often than not, I see myself a tad too free, with nothing constructive to do, living a life that has come to a standstill as far as adventure and exploration go.
When I try to channelize all my thinking prowess in the right direction and try and focus on the real problem to find out an imperative solution, the result, well it fascinates me. "There is just no problem that needs to be solved my dear", the soul seems to be telling my very cooperative mind, but then there is me who refuses to accept the logical reasoning part of it all. "When you are in such a somber mood every other time, the problem does not need to be detected, it needs to be solved and done away with", and saying so I pester my already suffering soul to suffer more.
I know people who live life in many different ways. Hell, I know many different people, just that, because every individual lives his own way, and plagiarism is something that is limited to literature and entertainment. When it comes to living, you live it as it comes, taking the best next possible step at that very moment. My AI (that's Artificial intelligence for the jargon) calls it an, uninformed search strategy, something he says is encountered in many spheres of software design, but I would rather disagree. You could only encounter this in LIFE.
One moment, I believe I am the happiest soul around, expecting a lot from things slated to roll out, and as soon as the future becomes the present to let the veil off, I discover I was cheated out of my rather comfortable position as a steadied soul to be promised so much only to be let down later in the worst of ways.
Who do you blame in such situations, not myself certainly, I am too much in love with myself to do that, no, not Him at any cost. Though I keep shifting stance from being an atheist to a believer rather frequently, somewhere in there, I do know what I truly am, a deep rooted 'fearer' as they describe people who bow to His wishes. And no, I do not blame anyone else for that matter, because as much as I think I have been affected by the actions of others to me, they do get affected by what I think as a reaction, bringing Newton and his third law into the scheme of things. So with none to blame for a spate of happenings, which at times involve a lot of man and matter, not just me, I feel I need to contemplate a different picture for this life of mine. And that is what confuses me all the more. Because, I guess when you are not living life on your terms, the way you would like to live it, you can not, even the wildest of your dreams picture the perfect life. You just move on from playing back scene one over and over and suggesting some editing work kto yourself, but when you are not the camera person, you don't have the capability to add scenes, you can just subtract them, making it a lot more dull and non-appealing than the original work.

And I did not have a concrete to topic to write about, when I began writing this post! "That, is what confusion can do to you." One of my friends told me during an IM chat once. "It can make you think. Which way you think, I believe is entirely your choice, but it puts the thinking cap on you, and that is the best part of being confused. At least you think."
I am thinking, and who the hell cares what.